the pain

it hurts me when I saw your status going online on the messenger, and knowing that you could not see me (as I remain invisible)...wanting so much to reach out and have a nice chat with you like we always do...but I know those days are gone..I have to learn to live my life with your presence but without any interaction...it just tore me inside...right now I'm watching you online...and later when you go offline I will regret not saying 'hi' to you...but I also realise if I do say it, it'll just make matters worse...you will be angry with me...you will be filled with rage..and you will grow to hurt me more....and I dont want that to happen...because knowing that you hate me as it is right now kills me...if you hate me even much more....I will not have the will to live anymore...