point of no return

I'm really hating my life right now..
I'm about to be jobless soon...
I'm about to get what I wished for...a simple life..
it's not a pretty sight tho...they say be careful of what you wish for..
and now I'm regreting almost everything..
especially my marriage..this stupid marriage..
I know I hated my husband, his family, I know I'll be doomed to being poor..
but I still go on...why? simply out of sympathy to him, eventho he didnt deserve it...
I dont know for how long I'll able to put on this charade...
when will I break..I just dont know...

and my lover boy...we've been friends lately...and (too bad) just friends..casual stuff...I still feel nervous around him, but he clearly is over me and sees me as only his friend..and my feelings towards him is not that strong anymore...I still miss him...but I'm not too sure if I still love him...

hrm...I still dont want to have kids because I dont want HIS kids!